“What have we done? We’ve created our own consumer idea of childhood. The grown-ups have created their idea of childhood. They’ve created all these plastic toys which make funny noises, and the child comes and looks at it and becomes absolutely mesmerized by it. And then….they get bored and want another one. Then you have to replace it because it’s complete; there is nothing to do with it. It doesn’t come out of the imagination for the child; it is what I call a dialysis of the imagination. It is an external imagination, someone else’s imagination, that is controlling them.”

Ahmed Paul Keeler

When I became a mom, I was already a Waldorf teacher, a budding eco-activist, and a natural-living enthusiast. It’s safe to say I had some pretty strong ideas about what I wanted and didn’t want in my home and for my child. As the years went on, it didn’t always go as I planned, and some of it did. I learned more and, at the same time, here and there, allowed some flexibility. At the core, though, I am an idealist and less so a perfectionist. I want to know what the ‘ideal’ is, like a north star, and to steer in that direction as much as possible. And, as a mother who hasn’t run off to the hills yet (and believe me, I fantasize about this more often than the average person), I am so familiar with the struggle of knowing better and still having to navigate the world of ‘stuff.’

My son Luca (now 19 years old) had some junk toys over the years, and sometimes, it even got to a point where it got to be too much. “How does this stuff find its way into our home?” I would mutter in exasperation, giving into mad urges to declutter his room and our whole home while I was at it. This was followed with paralyzing days sitting in front of piles of toys and toy pieces, trying to decide what to keep, what to fix, what to give away, and what to toss into the bin or recycling. It’s funny how a child suddenly becomes very attached to the few pieces left of a de-membered action figure, but when the junk disappeared, he never mentioned it again. I also know what it’s like to give into a child’s frothing desires, like when Luca begged for a very realistic Toothless Dragon (from the Movie) whose wings moved and who actually blew out real steam from its mouth, with a glowing red light for special effect. He played with it for one day, and then it just sat there, a beautiful toy, poised and unplayed with, for years.

I often wonder how much of our precious time we spend managing our stuff: shuffling, folding, sorting, cleaning, piling, and labeling. When it comes to toys, I am so thankful for this glowing fact; all the best toy and play practices that support our children’s healthy development lean on the side of ‘Less is more”. This is what I’m going to guide you through in this series of chapters.

Toys are tools

We may think of a toy as simply an object of pleasure, entertainment, or distraction. Sometimes, we put it in the higher and more important category of an educational toy. A toy is, in fact, a tool—a most joyful, wondrous, and powerful tool of the unconscious process of learning and maturing in childhood. Toys are symbolic objects that bridge the inner and outer worlds of children and help the child to develop in all the necessary ways. The child uses toys to project their inner processing onto or to digest their outer world experiences inwardly. They use a toy to practice being human and develop other inner faculties to go out into the world and thrive. It’s hard to separate the topic of toys from the overarching topic of Play, but we’ll just focus on these objects of play for now and look at the role and power of play in child development in another chapter.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution."

Albert Einstein

In order for a toy to really work, it needs to be fueled by the imagination and, at the same time, ignite the imagination. The imagination is just like a muscle; the more it's used, the stronger it gets. The imagination reaches out, with limbs, into the child's external world and draws it in. The less detailed the toy, the more the child's inner limbs of imagination have to work, and the deeper the engagement is. The more detailed a toy is, the more work the toy does on behalf of the imagination. It requires nothing of the child and is, therefore, a useless tool. It does, however, first attract the child and tantalize them for a short while, rewarding the child early on with a dopamine treat, and then, not too long into the future, drops them like a hot potato. You can join the dots and see what this is setting you and your child up for.

If the toy does not spark or feed the imagination, it will soon, after the initial novelty has worn off, become redundant. The child gets bored with it and wants another one. Quite simply put, less effort equals less investment. This effort, this work, that comes naturally, born out of the powerful will of the child, the kind of work we want to encourage, is the kind that strengthens creativity, concentration and perseverance,

We’ll explore together all the toys you do want to have in your child’s life, the guiding principles, what to avoid, and how to set up your play or learning space or home as an invitation for the best kind of play. If you decide to set your compass on this course or you are already well on your way but can always do with more encouragement or support, then you can use my ‘Tell them about it’ letter template. This is how to kindly and clearly communicate to your friends, family, and community your standpoint on toys and guide them on what to get for your kids if they do want to gift them a toy.

Very important side note:

I am expressing quite a radical point of view here that comes from years of observation, experience, research and expert insights of leaders in this field. And… I am not perfect. This is not about shunning the modern world or creating stress for you or your child. It’s not about never having a junk toy in the house or secretly getting rid of something you’re child is quite attached to. It’s not necessary to reject a gift from a well-meaning relative or to make your child feel bad for wanting one of these very attractive products. You will have to work with these things as gracefully as you go. This is about growing awareness, making informed choices, and adjusting as needed to meet you and your family where you are right now on this journey. Making tweaks here and there, rather than a full gung-ho overhaul, is totally fine. With all of life, I have a 20/80% policy. Try to get it right or close to ideal 80% of the time, be open and compassionate for the other 20%, and also, perfection (aiming for 100%) can actually be counterproductive and even negative in many ways. I trust you will take this just as helpful information and do what feels right for you and your family, in a sustainable way.

You may already be wondering right now where to start, what to get, what to keep, and what to get rid of. I will get into all of this with you and more, dear parent,, but first, let’s face what is lurking in the shadows of the toy industry—only this once, and not for too long, just enough to light or fuel a fire of conviction or at the very least shed light in this topic.

The dark side of the toy industry

We live in the modern world with modern pressures and modern things. We accept all this as ‘normal’ when it isn’t actually that normal in the grand scale of all of human history; it’s only normalized. We should question everything and learn as much as possible.

“The thing about sheep is, they may be vulnerable to the proverbial wolf, but all the while, the farmer is fattening them up for food and profit.”

To echo the quote from Ahmed Paul Keeler at the start of this post, the modern world has hijacked play and toys with an adult version of what we think children need. We have an overload of toys, imagination crushers; they cripple play, stunt the child’s attention span, teach questionable and sometimes dangerous values, and feed the appetite for more and more.

Toys are now used as tools against childhood, prying open the tender inner workings of the child and leaving them vulnerable to the claws of profit-driven corporations, consumerism and even goverrment agendas.

Toys have been Disneyfied, glamorized, dramatized, and powered up, and at the same time, they have stolen something ancient and vital from childhood, undermining the evolutionary wisdom of child development. Global corporations are clever and cunning, and they have become the masters of the play world of a child, and the media markets directly and shamelessly to children and teens. This is intentional and very well-funded. They know exactly what they are doing, how to get parents to part with more dough, and who their future earners and spenders will be.

We have grossly misunderstood boredom and intelligence. We innocently think we’re helping, but we are, in fact, hindering the child. We thought we were rescuing kids from the backwardness of the simplicity of ‘olden times,’ giving them what we never had; this makes total sense; and how could we have known? We didn’t realize that the simplicity of a toy is what feeds the complex inner growth, wonder, and imagination of the child, their inner genius. These are the foundation stones of innovation, intelligence, learning, and even grit for the rest of life: Giving our kids what they vitally need to meet this world and the future in all its changes and challenges.

Yes, a child may once in a while get attached to one of these toys and play with them well, and that is totally ok, let them. Luca had some cars and bath toys and a few vintage action figures he played with often. But what is more often the case is they get bored of it, break it, or totally forget about it. Then they want the next version, or the rest of the set, or another kind, and the rot of “never enough’ sets in.

We need to ask ourselves, are we raising creators or consumers?

Are we raising creators or consumers?

Toxic toys

It’s really hard to imagine that a toy, like a brightly colored My Little Pony or a doe-eyed fluffy Panda Bear, can be anything harmful. Toys are now manufactured en masse rather than handmade in our community, as was the case pretty much always before the Industrial Revolution. They are mostly made from very toxic plastic, scents, and fluff. And if that wasn’t enough, we give far too many of them to a child. There is such a thing as a toxic burden, and this is the accumulation of plastics and toxins we touch and breathe in, altogether, over time, gathering in our systems. So when a toy or product is under a harmful threshold, according to the labels, having many of them added together becomes way over. A little child has a smaller body, so the load is proportionately much more.

Toys and the future

“We don’t inherit the earth, we borrow it from our children.”

Chief Seattle

Every time we buy another junk toy for our child, we are actively being part of a less healthy planet and future for them. Toxic plastic toys fill up homes while also making a large portion of festering landfills where these toys, yes that very one you bought a few years ago, will exist out of site, breaking down, painfully slow, leaching poison into your child’s environment for the duration of your children and grandchildrens lives and for generations to come. This is not drama or negative thinking; this is fact.

The very toy we wanted to bring joy to our child is the same thing that will, in the long term, steal that joy from them.

Now what?

We want to be more than just mindful about the toys our child has. We want to be vigilant, awake, and informed. Our job as parents is to protect and also to prepare our kids for the world. Everything about modern-day toys and modern ideas of play are undermining this job and its goal. I cannot add a rosy tint to the dirty truth of the toy industry. We need to face it and we need to name it. We need to wake up from this Disney spell and claim our children’s right to healthy play and childhood. We can take a stand, even in very small ways. At the very least, do not give them your money (which is your vote). If you really want your child to have this stuff, you can rather buy these items pre-loved. This is one of the solutions for a more sustainable future. Occasionally, I did do this for Luca, and it taught him a valuable lesson about buying second-hand rather than new things ( which he still does today)

If you choose to take this route, you must know it is the road less traveled; it will be hard at times and may become very unpopular with your family and friends and even sometimes your own kids. They may say you’re extreme, but I would say what is ‘extreme’ is damaging our earth and compromising our child’s development for the sake of a cool new toy. And, dear parent, the payoffs will be worth all of it. I promise.

Ok, phew, you stuck it out with me, thank you. I’m not all doom and gloom. All these words were written from a place in my heart that has hope for our future rather than just frothing and venting. I’m all about practicing solutions and pro-activeness, no matter how imperfectly done—that’s why you and I find ourselves here at this very moment, meeting on this very page.

In the next part, we will explore what toys to have and why these items are so good for your child’s world of play … and also your sanity.

With Love Jade

p.s. Below, a great YouTube video to strengthen the case for 'less stuff’.

Reclaiming Childhood through Toys & Play - part 1